you're on my side, again
by lismicro
Summary: Rating for language. Takes place right after Borderlands 2, Lilith/Maya friendship in the aftermath.


**A/N: Lilith/Maya friendship, set before the Pre-Sequel. A character sketch, really. **

* * *

Moxxi's bar is filled beyond capacity; it seems like everyone in Sanctuary has gathered for the celebration, dancing and laughing in the streets as the liquor keeps flowing. Even Crazy Earl has ventured out from the musty tomb he calls a home, hidden in the shadows as he chews through one of Moxxi's placemats. He looks happy enough. Might as well let him be.

Maya sits with her back against a broken speaker. No one notices her, and that's just the way she likes it. She's content with a bottle of rakk ale, sipping slowly as she watches all the revelry. Jack's presence had sobered their little city, but after he's gone Maya discovers that she has vastly underestimated their ability to celebrate.

It's been going on for nearly a month. After their fallen were buried, and some of the shock of victory absorbed, all of Pandora turned out for the party.

Axton is drunk (per usual) and flirting with Tannis, who only looks mildly traumatized by the personal interaction. At least, there's no blood or vomit anywhere, so that counts as a win in Maya's book. Gaige and Tiny Tina have disappeared to God knows where, being the only two who can't/won't drink, and even Zero has a happy face hologram splayed across his helmet. It's been there all night.

Maya shakes her head. She's never going to get used to this.

Suddenly, something smashes against the floor beside her and Maya goes for the incendiary pistol she keeps permanently strapped to her hip; she has her finger on the trigger before she realizes it's only a beer bottle, lying in pieces next to one of the Crimson Raiders. Luckily, he's too drunk to notice that Maya has the gun pointed right between his eyes, and she quickly holsters it before anyone else does.

Fuck, she needs to relax.

"The fire tap-dances to the cries of the angry mother! Pretty lady feels the blood whistle down her sweet gullet!"

Maya looks up and smiles at the psycho stumbling towards her, a shotglass of something nearly black balanced carefully in front of him. He offers it to her, and demonstrates with his other hand how to drink it (quickly and all at once, apparently). It looks like a thimble in his huge hand, and Krieg goes cross eyed as Maya leans forward to take it.

"Thanks, Krieg."

She smiles again and swears that he blushes before he spots Salvador and dashes off to challenge him to another arm-wrestling contest.

The drink smells like cotton candy and bleach, and Maya gamely takes a sip before putting it down on the floor beside her, wincing. Krieg's digestive system must be indestructible by now, if he's been downing drinks like that the whole night. She'll make sure he has one of Zed's hypos before he wakes up in the morning. He's going to need it.

Meanwhile, Mordecai seems to be talking to the wall. Brick rises to his full, muscly height and looks around.

"Where's Lilith?"

* * *

She's alone.

That's the first thing that came to Lilith's mind, as Jack's body crumpled to the ground. She'd fantasized about the moment, how she'd help the other vault hunters in granting him a slow, painful death that wouldn't come until Lilith's ears rang with his screams. But now the man responsible for nearly every evil on Pandora is dead, disfigured and bloody, and Lilith suddenly can't remember what she had planned, what she had dreamed of ever since the first Hyperion robot smashed through New Haven's gates.

It's too late anyway. All she feels is empty.

Whether it's from what happened or the Eridium withdrawal, she doesn't know.

Her knees begin to shake uncontrollably, but Lilith refuses to let them buckle, instead reaching for the concrete wall behind her for support. Up here, on the balcony of the Crimson Raider safehouse, she takes deep breaths and looks towards the east, where the Eridium Blight still glows purple.

So much for cold turkey.

The days following their return from the Vault had been stifling. No one said a word as the barge left Hero's Pass. They'd bundled up the Vault Key and Jack's bloody mask to take back to Sanctuary, the former secured in the safehouse and the latter pinned to Sanctuary's front gates.

Mordecai called it justice. Brick called it a warning.

Those two. They had hovered around her like rainclouds ever since the Warrior was defeated. Coming back triumphant but with so many to mourn, no one had questioned Gaige's decision to risk arrest by calling her parents, or Krieg going back into the Bloodshot Dam to take out any bandit unlucky enough to be spotted. No one knew what to do, now that the immediate threat was gone and replaced with ample free time, and everyone went a little crazy in their own way.

The day of Roland and Bloodwing's memorial was the worst day of all. Lilith still doesn't know how any of them got through it.

Her friends had their own ways of dealing. After the memorial, Brick leaves and comes back with blood under his fingernails and a Sawtooth flag wrapped around the handle of his hammer. Mordecai raids the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve and all but disappears into Three Horns Valley, where the weather is better for a baby hawk.

If you constantly swallow grief, eventually you'll have eaten it all.

Cue the celebration in Sanctuary. As if by consensus they begin to laugh again, to try and get a little of their former happiness back. And they tried so hard to get Lilith to join them. She couldn't ask for better friends.

But they haven't stayed up nights, listening to stories of Lilith's past and sharing their own in turn. They hadn't helped her outfit her lair in Frostburn Canyon, nor asked her not to become the Firehawk. They hadn't shared her heart and they certainly hadn't broken it. She never had to put them to rest. She's never had to see them die.

Lilith rests her arms on the balcony's edge.

They hadn't been able to recover Roland's body from Control Core Angel. God knows what those Hyperion parasites had done with it. It makes Lilith sick to her stomach to think of Roland like that: strong, brave Roland, thrown to the birds or fish food in the ocean. He deserved a hero's burial. What he got was a roughly hewn statue outside Sanctuary, and his Crimson Raider gear mounted on the base of the pedestal.

Looking up, she suddenly sees a figure peel away from the mass of bodies outside of Moxxi's bar and make its way slowly towards her. It's dark enough that she doesn't see who it is until they're standing right under the streetlamp below Lilith.

Maya cups her hands around her mouth and calls upward.

"Hey, can I come in?"

Lilith nods, and Maya disappears for a few seconds before re-emerging behind her, walking up the stairs. Lilith turns to see her staring at the screens (one of which is permanently stuck on a picture of Roland's smiling face- the first image any Vault Hunter saw walking into headquarters). Maya scrunches her brow in confusion.

"What are you doing up here? Everyone else is down at Moxxi's, and I don't see activity on any of the monitors."

Lilith shrugs.

"I'm just keeping watch. If Hyperion decides to take revenge now would be the time to do it, while we're all distracted and celebrating. Safety precaution, y'know?"

Maya nods but doesn't look entirely convinced. Lilith considers asking her why she isn't at the party either, but she's still not that nosy. The other Siren answers her question anyway.

"Brick said he thought you were coming, but you didn't show and he was worried. I was the least drunk of all of us so I came looking for you. Don't worry, I'm not going to force you to come."

"Huh. Not to be rude or anything, but I don't think you could."

That's a lie; her Phasewalk is considerably weaker now as the Eridium withdrawal takes a toll on her body, and if Maya chose to Phaselock her she probably couldn't get out of the way in time. Lilith's watched Maya like she's watched all the new Vault Hunters, and if there was ever a poster child for a Siren's graceful power, Maya is it. She's more in control of herself than Lilith was at that age. Or any age, really.

"Noted." Maya smirks, touching the book strapped to her thigh. Lilith's breath catches.

Roland used to say that.

She casts the thought out of her mind and clears her throat.

"What's happening down there, by the way?"

They've somehow maneuvered so Maya is on the balcony now, outlined in the moonlight, and Lilith is sunk in the shadows of the dark headquarters. Music and chatter still float up to them from Moxxi's, and Maya glances in the direction of the bar.

"When I left, Sal was trying to teach Krieg how to sing in Spanish- that should tell you about how much alcohol's being processed down there." Lilith winces, hoping they're not determined to drink Moxxi dry. Hangovers get a lot more risky when there are twice as many guns than people in any given room.

"Anyway, Axton was supposed to take some of them down to Opportunity to demolish the place, but that's not happening. I'll be surprised if they get out of bed before sundown."

Lilith shakes her head.

"Not even a month since the Warrior, and we're right back to killing again, huh?"

The music has somehow gotten louder, if that were possible. Maya scoffs and leans back against the doorway of the balcony. Her tattoos contrast sharply against her skin; Lilith's never going to get used to seeing that shade of blue on someone else.

"You're one to talk; there's no way Hyperion's recovering from Jack anytime soon, so why are you avoiding everyone up here?" Lilith shrugs, and avoids looking at the other Siren. "Jack had all the access codes locked with his voice and biosignature. They'll need to bring him back to life to get any of it back- and we fixed that for sure. There's nothing worth keeping."

"Moxxi might want-"

"Moxxi is helping Gaige fix a Hecker circuit reintegrator, she's set for the next year."

"When did you become a gearhead?"

"When did you start avoiding the people who care about you?"

"Don't push it." Lilith snaps, and Maya holds up her hands in surrender. Those boots of hers don't make a sound as she shuffles away from Lilith's bark.

God, would somebody turn off that godawful music? Her head is pounding enough already.

"You're not going to scare me away from this." Maya still says, stubbornly, from a safe distance away. She crosses her arms tightly across her chest. "C'mon, give me one good reason why you're practically invisible to the rest of us these days. I'll never bring it up again if you do."

Lilith's eyes narrow. When she'd met Maya for the first time, the other Siren had seemed much taller from Lilith's perspective down on the ground, looming over her with a concerned and slightly terrified look on her face. Somehow, with one eyebrow raised and without her usual relaxed demeanor, Maya's that strange, untrustworthy Vault Hunter again.

Well, fuck that.

"With Roland- with no leadership, the Crimson Raiders don't have a force that pulls them together anymore. I can't keep an eye on all of them, make sure they don't try to push their luck too far, if I'm out of control. We can't let ourselves fall apart now. There's still work to do. And unless Mordecai takes a stab at sobriety in the next few days, it looks like I'm up for the job."

Maya's face softens at the mention of Roland. Lilith hates that. Everyone in Sanctuary did that whenever his name was spoken, especially within her earshot, and no matter what Lilith says they agree with her.

"What's your plan, then?"

She doesn't have a plan. Lilith doesn't even have a clue where to start.

Fake it till you make it.

"We rest, rebuild. Make sure none of the bandits get ideas with Hyperion gone. There are a lot of people confined to their homes or displaced from them, so since you mentioned it I think we should keep Opportunity standing. If the buildings are still useable we could convert them to residence halls, a military base. A better headquarters than this place, that's for damn sure."

"With that Hyperion stink all over the place? I don't think anyone here could stomach it. I get a lot of joy from using their tech to kill them with, but it just seems wrong to be in Opportunity after all that's happened."

Lilith feels like screaming.

"Last week, Tannis almost fell through a new hole that opened up in the bathroom downstairs. If it doesn't rain the next week, we're looking at a shortage of water because the piping's all gone to shit. Half of the time, when Sanctuary trembles, I'm afraid we'll fall right back down into the Highlands. There's no end of the problems that we have to fix, Maya, and we all have to lower our fucking expectations to fix the mess Hyperion left."

They fall silent. Then Maya waves a hand in Lilith's face.

"This isn't healthy."

"What?"

"I mean, thinking about everything that could go wrong after we've killed the most evil dictator in this solar system, and probably the next. We need to stop being so reactive. Let loose. Then we can get back to the slog, but right now we all need to satisfy our thrills for a while."

Lilith pinches the bridge of her nose, but suddenly cracks a smile.

"Sorry, it's just so weird to hear you talk like that. I thought you grew up in an abbey."

Maya shrugs.

"The abbey had breakable windows. I had heavy books, and there were way more interesting things on the outside than the inside. You do the math."

Lilith suppresses a laugh, suddenly getting the image of a teenage Maya scaling the walls with a dozen furious monks waving their fists beneath her. Her laughter ringing out, and those silver eyes wide with amusement. She doesn't know when Maya turned from a troublemaker to the rather mellow person she is now, but she hopes it was after Maya got to rebel against her authorities.

God, she's getting off track.

"Yeah. Somehow, I didn't think that was your scene."

"It isn't now. But it was good to get it out of my system."

With a book in her hand and a gun in the other; that was Maya. Serene when idle and vicious when fighting, an eerie copy of Lilith herself. A calmer, more disciplined Lilith. Must be a Siren thing.

But clearly, Maya did get Lilith's ability to sense of danger because she just won't quit, worrying Lilith like a puppy dog with a bone.

"There's only one person to blame here, Lilith. And he's dead now, all the shit he's put us through is never going to happen again."

Lilith doesn't say anything.

"You're not-"

"Shut up. Don't try to tell me how I should be taking this."

"I'm not trying to tell you how to mourn. I'm trying to make you see that mourning doesn't mean you stop living."

When the hell did Maya get so philosophical? No, wait, she's like that all the goddamn time.

Lilith's sick of it.

"I'm alone because the one person in my life who understood me is gone."

"You can't let this eat you alive. We fought the good fight. Roland gave his life so we could keep doing it, he wouldn't want you to stop doing what you believe in."

"I've been fighting my entire goddamned life. What have you done, other than sit pretty for all of yours?" Lilith hisses.

Maya's tattoos glow and her hand twitches, and for a second Lilith tenses, ready to disappear if Maya makes one wrong move. But she doesn't try to capture Lilith, or even yell at her. Instead, Maya clenches her teeth and slowly, the purple swirls on her arm fade to normal.

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare put this on me. After everything we've all been through, after what we've all sacrificed, you don't get to accuse me of sitting on the sidelines. I've pulled my weight. And you don't have some monopoly on suffering, so stop acting like it."

Lilith's common sense is screaming at her to apologize, to stop being a dick, but her supply of patience is being readily depleted. Her head hurts and her veins seem to throb from the lack of Eridium and Maya is the only thing in the room that will react when Lilith lashes out.

That's what she needs. Something to fight.

Lilith suddenly misses Roland with everything she has left, a fierce pain in her chest tearing through her chest. Roland never let any of the Vault Hunters fight, not even over loot. He'd break it up, tell them to talk it out, and lock them out of headquarters until they did. So damned optimistic.

She's not him. She doesn't know how to lead people.

Lilith bites her lip and shakes her head.

Maya looks at her with pity practically oozing from her pores. She'd prefer if the Siren would just slug her instead, because pity is the one thing Lilith won't take.

"Look, I know you've hurting more now than probably any of us. But you don't have to go through this by yourself. None of this needs to be on your shoulders alone."

The laughter escapes Lilith's lips with no effort.

"How can it not be? The Vault Hunters, Mordecai, Brick- they knew him but they didn't really know him. I knew him. I knew him, and I failed him."

"You find some way to deal."

"How am I supposed to deal with being alone?"

Maya fixes her with a cool, hard stare. "You're a Siren. Figure it out."

Before Lilith can respond, or maybe punch her in the face, Maya has lifted herself onto the balcony railing and dangled her legs over the side. She looks at Lilith over her shoulder.

"I can't understand exactly what you're going through right now. But if you ever wanted to try and make me, I'm willing to listen. Goodnight."

Then Maya does a backflip into the street below, lands softly on her feet, and turns back in the direction of Moxxi's bar.

Lilith stares after her.

By the time she's managed to formulate a comeback (which is actually pretty lame, because calling someone a bitch gets old when you do it in jest, in anger, and pretty much every day) Maya is gone and the party rolls on.

Dawn will be coming soon.

Lilith walks downstairs and closes the door that Maya walked out of.


End file.
